Falling in love has been difficult / being turned off by littlest thing and the absence of substantial communication

Falling in love is not as easy 

by Uchihanagato

Falling in love is something a lot of people find very easy. Meet this new someone today, get along and in the long run (or short run), love creeps in and the rest is history. A very wonderful experience I’d presume since it works for a majority of people I’ve come across.

For me it’s quite the opposite. Falling in love isn’t something that comes easy for me as I tend to look out for more things than the average human would and often put logic before emotions (I often consider this a problem). Thus it’s no surprise that I’ve never been or attempted to be in a relationship.

I often relate this to my temperament (I’m phlegmatic, Melancholy) hence I barely get impressed but turned off by the littlest things.

I’ve come across a wide range of ladies over the years but as attractive as they may seem on the outside, I tend to evaluate them further. In the long run I see nothing but flaws thus allowing me to lose interest as quickly.

I often spend time observing their characteristics and behaviours, temperament, how well they run their mouth in situations (I don’t like people running their mouth), level of understanding, exposure, maturity, capacity for team work, how reasonable they can be where necessary, mental health, how they treat those around them especially those below them, the ability to have a conversation and many more

Emphasis on the ability to have a conversation.

This is something I appreciate a lot.

I’ve come across ladies that are never willing to talk about anything but prefer to push necessary issues aside while using the slogan ‘I don’t want to talk about it‘.

For instance, some tend to be disrespectful and tend to run their mouth at the slightest opportunity. It bothers me as I do not appreciate such behaviour. Since I do not talk to anyone without constraint, why should anyone do that to me?

Such behaviour automatically turns me off but I do not immediately excuse myself from such friendship. I try to have a conversation in the simplest and most respectful way while letting them know how I feel and how I do not find it convenient to be insulted either deliberately or not.

Unfortunately, majority would use the words ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ as an excuse to run away from the truth, but would only love to talk about all things fun related.

Being in a relationship with such person isn’t something I’d want since the relationship would go stale as quickly as it began.

I understand that no relationship is perfect and disagreements will definitely occur but the ability to identify the cause of the chaos and communicate effectively in a bid to avoid it in the future is what makes relationships last.

I believe in conversation leading to an agreement that would be convenient for everyone but the moment one party isn’t willing to talk about anything, the relationship becomes one of powerplay and not happiness.

If I can’t communicate with you as a friend then I wouldn’t be able to if we were in a relationship. After all relationship is still friendship except that the sense of ownership exists and much more.

My mentality regarding love and relationships is a bit weird as I often have this feeling that being in a relationship with a certain person may not be the best thing for me. After all I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone I’m not in love with since I do not appreciate using relationships as a means to an end (a means to pass time while fulfilling my sexual needs. It comes in handy but it shouldn’t be the main objective as that would be a one sided thing since it would be mostly about me).

Before falling in love and possibly being in a relationship, I need to be very convinced that this person is meant for me or I wouldn’t feel comfortable. So far I’ve not been convinced hence falling in love has been out of the equation. I do not appreciate the concept of break ups and having a list of Ex’s isn’t something I’d want.

Trust me, I wasn’t born yesterday but love isn’t something I’ve experienced at any point. Or maybe I’ve experienced it but I’m simply not paying attention.

For whoever reads this, I understand that preferences differ but on a general note I’d like to know these;

What is that thing that makes you fall in love?

Do you prefer a relationship based on logic or emotion or both?

What’s that thing that makes you convinced that this person is the best person for you?- This part really bothers me.

I’d appreciate some insight!

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